


no homo

by Anonymous



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2010-11-11
Updated: 2010-11-11
Packaged: 2017-10-16 01:44:32
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,120
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/167081
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Captchalogue Prompt:TG: i am not a heterosexual<br/>make it happen, anons</p>
            </blockquote>





	no homo

**Author's Note:**

> ok so I decided to fill this prompt on a whim and I was assuming by said prompt you were wanting a pesterlog?
> 
> IF NOT THEN I AM SORRY AND I SUCK
> 
> also there's a lot of Karkat/Terezi talk in here, hope that's okay.  
> anyway here you go

\-- turntechGodhead [TG] began pestering gallowsCalibrator [GC] \--  
  
TG: hey  
GC: H3Y YOURS3LF COOLK1D >:]  
TG: alright will do  
TG: so you know what  
TG: im starting to suspect your idiot not boyfriend is developing some kind of retarded troll obsession with me  
TG: can you watch his bucket and make sure it stays in his alien homosexual court cuz im not interested  
GC: WHO4 W41T WH4T  
GC: OK D4VE NORM4LLY 1 4M JUST F1N3 W1TH YOU B31NG CULTUR4LLY 1NS3NS1T1V3 B3C4US3 1TS H1IL4R1OUS  
GC: BUT YOU R3ALLY HAVE NO 1D3A WH4T YOU'R3 S4Y1NG R1GHT NOW 1M PR3TTY SUR3  
CG: UNL3SS... YOU DO??? >:?  
CG: D1D H3 S4Y SOM3TH1NG???  
TG: he said a lot of things because saying a lot of stupid things is pretty much his primary function in life  
TG: but nothing specific like that  
TG: hes just all over me like a bad rash from the furthest reaches of space  
TG: fuckin places i couldnt hope to dream about in my worst nightmares  
GC: H4H4H4 TH4T 1S H1IL4R1OUS!!  
GC: BUT NO 1 DONT TH1NK H3 H4S 4NY 1NT3R3ST 1N YOU  
GC: NOT 3V3N TH3 BL4CK STUFF  
GC: H3S PROB4BLY JUST B31NG 4 P4TH3T1C L1TTL3 SOR3 LOS3R L1KE3 4 PUP4 ROBB3D OF 1TS COCOON PR3M4TUR3LY  
TG: that sounds about right but  
TG: i dont know  
TG: is he being a sore loser  
TG: or is he jealous that im so much better in every aspect visible to the eyes of alien babes everywhere  
TG: or you know your unseeing eyes specifically  
GC: HM  
GC: 1 DONT KNOW  
GC: 1SNT TH4T K1ND OF TH3 S4M3 TH1NG   
TG: no  
TG: if hes being jealous its because hes being all insecure about us talking and shit which is totally understandable considering my vast and immeasurable deep well of manly talent and stoic charm and hes just some baby babbling brook of uncertainty and capslock  
TG: because you guys are a thing or something  
TG: even if its a thing thats falling apart  
TG: if hes being a sore loser that means its already fallen apart  
GC: UGH DO W3 R34LLY H4V3 TO T4LK 4BOUT TH4T!  
GC: 1TS NOT R34LLY YOUR BUS1N3SS 4NYW4Y  
GC: ...3XC3PT 1 GU3SS NOW 1T 1S B3C4US3 H3 WONT L34V3 YOU 4LON3 >:O  
TG: exactly  
TG: otherwise i wouldnt even eat my wheaties so i could give a shit  
GC: YOU KNOW 1M PR3TTY SURPR1S3D TH4T TH1S COULD 3V3N BOTH3R YOU D4V3  
GC: 1 THOUGHT YOUR 1CY CH1LL W4S INP3N3TR4BL3  
TG: my icy chill is still icy as shit like you wouldnt fucking believe  
TG: but i know this is going to just snowball itself into some stupid space soap operatic clusterfuck unless i nip it in its figurative bud  
GC: OH? >:[  
TG: yeah  
TG: so were you and karkat a thing  
TG: are you i mean  
TG: fuck this is stupid  
GC: Y3S 1T 1S  
GC: 4ND TH1S 1S 4 P3RSON4L M4TT3R  
GC: BUT 1 TH1NK 1 C4N GO 4H34D 4ND BR34CH TH4T W4LL FOR YOUR S4K3 >:]  
TG: cool  
GC: OK SO...  
GC: WH4T H4PP3N3D B3TW33N M3 4ND K4RK4T 1S PR3TTY W31RD  
CG: W1THOUT GO1NG THROUGH TH3 3NT1R3 B1G STUP1D STORY 1 K1ND OF 4GGR3SS3D TH3 WHOL3 TH1NG  
TG: what  
TG: jesus why would you even go and rub your blind face in that diseased rash  
GC: SHUT UP D4V3 1TS STORY T1ME  
GC: BUT TO 4NSW3R YOUR QU3ST1ON 4NYW4Y K4RK4T 1SNT TH4T B4D  
GC: H3 C4N 4CTU4LLY B3 PR3TTY SW33T 3V3N 1F H3S 4N 3NDL3SS R1V3R M3T4PHOR OF SOM3 K1ND 1NVOLV1NG D3N1AL  
GC: 4ND H3 C4R3S 4BOUT TH3 W3LLB31NGS OF OUR P4RTY 4 LOT 3V3N 1F H3 DO3SNT L1K3 TO L3T ON  
CG: H3S JUST R34LLY 1NS3CUR3 4ND CONFUS3D 4BOUT WHO H3 1S WH1CH 1 DONT TH1NK H3 R34LLY S33S  
CG: 1 W4NT3D TO H3LP H1M OUT OF TH4T CUZ 1 GU3SS 1 L1K3D H1M  
CG: SO 1 H4D B33N B41T1NG H1S 1NT3R3ST 4 B1T  
CG: 4ND WH3N 1 S4W H1M FOR TH3 F1RST T1M3 S1NC3 TH3 R3CKON1NG WH1L3 W3 W3R3 1N TH3 M3D1UM I GU3SS YOU COULD S4Y 1 M4D3 MY F33L1INGS MORE OBV1OUS?   
TG: gross  
CG: D4V3 STOP 1NT3RUPT1NG STORYT1M3!! >:O  
CG: TH3 FURTH3R 4ND FURTH3R W3 W3NT 1NTO TH1S G4M3 THOS3 PROBL3MS JUST S33M3D TO 1NTENS1FY 4ND 1 TH1NK H3S PR3TTY MUCH GO1NG 1NS4N3  
CG: H4S B33N 4NYW4Y  
CG: L1K3 W1TH H1S P4ST 4ND FUTUR3 S3LV3S TH4T H3 T4LKS TO MOR3 TH4N H3 T4LKS TO 4NYON3!! >:[  
CG: 4ND 3V3N W1THOUT H1M GO1NG CR4ZY H3S JUST SO 1MM4TUR3 4ND DUMB  
CG: BL4R  
TG: ok so you were interested in him for god knows the fuck why and then he was into it but he was also crazy which you already knew and so you dumped him  
TG: is that right  
GC: YOUR P4TRON1Z1NG R3C4P ONLY 34RNS YOU MOR3 D3M3R1TS >:]  
TG: what demerits  
TG: since when are there even demerits  
TG: do i have some like demerit tab  
TG: just kind of stacking up to skaia as an insane mountain while im all unawares to you badly writing or drawing out notes of merit debt  
GC: Y3S  
TG: ok  
TG: so anyway long story short im way cooler and youre into me instead of karkat even though im an alien from your perspective  
TG: so you dumped him  
GC: W3LL W3 W3R3NT 3V3N 3V3R R34LLY TOG3TH3R >:/  
CG: 1 GU3SS  
CG: 1 DONT KNOW  
CG: H3 W4S W4Y TOO SHY 4BOUT 1T 4ND H3D D3NY 3V3RY CL41M 4BOUT WH4T W4S GO1NG ON  
CG: L1K3 1T W4S SOM3 B1G SUP3R SH4M3FUL S3CR3T  
CG: LIK3 H1S D3L1C1OUS BLOOD H3 S3LF1SHLY H1D3S  
CG: L1K3 YOUR 3Y3S!  
TG: ok wow  
TG: way too much information  
TG: i dont wanna hear about how you and karkat humped in a giantass badly compressed bowl of blood or something  
GC: OH MY GOD D4V3!!!!  
GC: W3 D1DNT DO 4NYTH1NG L1K3 TH4T WH4T K1ND OF G1RL DO YOU T4K3 M3 FOR  
CG: TH4T 1S SO OBSC3N3!!  
TG: whatever like you wouldnt have liked to if the chance had presented itself at the time  
GC: ... >:O  
TG: man you are a damn freak  
GC: I G3T TH4T 4 LOT 4ND 1 KNOW YOU L1K3 1T TOO >:]  
GC: BUT Y34H FL4TT3RY 4S1D3 1 DONT TH1NK W3 H4V3 OUR NOT-TH1NG 4NYMOR3  
CG: TH4T SH1P S4NK B3FOR3 1T 3V3N S3T OUT TO S34  
CG: >:[  
TG: ok so hes a sore ass loser  
GC: Y3S  
GC: H3 H4S TH3 SOR3ST 4SS 1S PR3TTY MUCH WH4T 1M UND3RST4ND1NG H3R3  
TG: well  
TG: ok  
TG: lets fucking get real here  
TG: lets put all of our assorted feeling cards onto the discussion table about this  
GC: 1 THOUGHT YOU GUYS D1DNT H4V3 QU4DR4NTS >:?  
TG: what  
GC: N3V3RM1ND  
TG: right anyway ive asked this before but you always give me some indirect crazy broad answer  
TG: and so even though i pretty much know the answer  
TG: show me your fucknig cards you stupid peice of garbage  
GC: >:O  
TG: that stupid face tells me nothing  
TG: do you have a wack interspecies dig on me  
TG: are you flushed in your alien face with female feelings of fondness for me  
TG: or are you using me to recover from your shipwreck from s.s giant flaming retard asshole  
TG: or maybe you think youre playing me for some weird flirsassination bullshit  
GC: WH4T  
TG: do you have a crush on me  
TG: god damn  
GC: WH4T K1ND  
TG: the normal kind  
TG: like what does that question even mean  
GC: UH...  
CG: 1 DONT KNOW >:[  
TG: how do you not know  
GC: W3LL 1 L1K3 T4LK1NG TO YOU  
GC: YOUR3 MY F4VOR1T3 HUM4N  
GC: 4ND TH4T 4S1DE 1 R34LLY DO TH1NK YOU 4R3 SUPER COOL >:]  
TG: not to mention you flirt with me like fucking nothing else  
GC: 1 GU3SS 1 K1ND OF DO TH4T 4 LOT?  
GC: 1 N3V3R R34LLY NOT1C3D OR THOUGHT 1T W4S 4 B1G D3AL  
CG: BUT 1 GUESS 1TS M4YB3 MOR3 D3L1B3R4TE 1N YOUR C4S3 >:X  
TG: ok  
TG: so here are my cards  
TG: take a fucking whiff at the cards there and taste the facts  
TG: i like you  
TG: like out of all the trolls and whatever i think youre the only one id ever want to keep in touch with  
GC: R34LLY???  
TG: yeah dont let it get to your head ok  
TG: i know its kind of a big deal  
GC: OK >:]   
TG: but  
TG: i don't like you the same way   
GC: WH4T!  
CG: D1D YOU D3L1B3R4T3LY S3T M3 UP TH3RE  
CG: TH4TS HORR1BL3 >:[  
TG: no  
TG: its not like i have a problem with you fanning yourself to cool the burn of my smoldering charms  
TG: its just that  
TG: well ok dont go spreading this around to all of your idiot consort trolls  
TG: or anyone else  
TG: especially john  
GC: WH4T  
TG: im not a heterosexual  
GC: WH4T 1S TH4T  
TG: the normal kind  
GC: TH4T 1S R34LLY V4GU3 4ND M4K3S NO S3NSE  
TG: its fuckin halmark  
TG: its what people by the general masses write sonnets about and its where little human babies come from  
GC: WH4T  
GC: B4B13S 4R3 4 FOR R34L TH1NG W1TH YOU GUYS >:?  
TG: yeah its like what we start out as  
TG: hideous drooling poopsacks  
GC: SO 1 S4W B4BY D4V3???  
TG: yeah  
CG: 4ND H3 C4M3 FROM H3T3ROS3XU4LS??  
TG: well if i wasnt some crazy spacetime slime baby thatd be the correct thing to assume yeah  
GC: HOW CONFUS1NG  
GC: WH4T DO3S TH4T M4K3 YOU  
GC: 4 HOMOS3XU4L??  
TG: yep  
TG: im gayer than daisies in spring growing on the sunnyside of the ancient human city of san fransisco  
TG: except not really because then i guess everyone would be privvy to it  
GC: W41T  
GC: SO 1 ST1LL DONT KNOW WH4T TH4T M34NS 3X4CTLY >:[  
TG: it means i am an unstoppable geyser of irony  
TG: it also means i like dudes  
TG: only dudes  
TG: heterosexuals are only into the opposite sex  
GC: TH4T 1S SO DUMB  
GC: HOW 1S TH4T 3V3N A TH1NG >:O  
GC: DONT TH1NK 1 D1DNT SM3LL YOU SHRUGG1NG M1ST3R COOLHOMO!  
TG: hey lets not use that nickname ever  
GC: SO YOU 4R3 K33P1NG TH1S 4 S3CR3T?  
TG: i dont know  
TG: i dont really think of it like that  
TG: its kind of more like i have no reason to be like sup guys so while were doing all this crazy world saving and while im moonwalking across these fucking timelines like a little white parody of micheal jackson just thought id let you guys know im gay  
GC: W41T WH4TS 4 G4Y  
TG: homosexual  
GC: WHY WOULD YOU 3V3N H4V3 MOR3 TH4N ON3 WORD FOR SOM3TH1NG SO TR1V1AL >:[  
TG: theres like millions of words for it  
GC: WHYYYYY  
TG: no clue  
TG: but yeah anyway sorry  
GC: 1TS OK4Y  
GC: W3 C4N ST1LL B3 HUM4N 34RTH BUDD13S >:]  
TG: cool  
TG: and you can keep flirting to your weirdos hearts content  
GC: 3H3H3H3  
GC: W3LL 1 GU3SS T3LL1NG K4RK4T YOUR3 HUM4N G4Y WOULD B3 4 B4D 1D34 W1TH H1S B1G MOUTH  
TG: yeah especially since i give him shit for being an intergalactic homo  
GC: H4H4 WH4T  
TG: i dont know i think he had a weird crush on john  
TG: it sounded like that happens in the future and in karkats past  
TG: or something  
GC: 1 4M G1V1NG H1M SH1T FOR TH4T 1MM3D14T3LY >8D  
GC: BY TH3 W4Y  
GC: DO3SNT THAT PR3S3NT SOM3 COMPL1C4T1ONS W1TH R3POPUL4T1ON PROC3SS  
TG: yeah  
TG: i mean if i have to ill help anyway but i dont really want to think about it  
GC: HM  
GC: TH3N M4YB3  
GC: YOU LIK3 JOHN >:?  
TG: no way   
TG: just because im into guys doesnt mean im gonna go ahead and fall left and right with every dude i see  
TG: or any dude i see i guess  
TG: but yeah thats including john  
TG: john is my best friend and i love him  
TG: but not like gay love  
TG: just bro love incredible though it is to both experience and behold  
TG: getting all gay in the beautiful purity of our relationship would just be a filthy sacrilege in the happy house of friendship  
TG: i love him too much to fuck up what we have with getting all swooning for him i guess  
GC: ST1LL SOUNDS K1ND OF G4Y  
TG: yeah i know  
GC: HM >:?  
GC: W3LL 1M GONN4 GO T4LK TO K4RK4T 1 GUESS  
TG: ok cool  
TG: thanks  
TG: that was a lot of fucking rigmarole to reach our final destination  
GC: HUH  
GC: Y34H 1T R34LLY W4S  
GC: 4NYW4Y T4LK TO YOU L4T3R COOL HUM4N HOMO K1D  
TG: hey  
TG: no  
TG: no homo  
GC: 3H3H3H3 OK OK OK SORRY  
GC: NO HOMO >:]

\-- turntechGodhead [TG] ceased pestering gallowsCalibrator [GC] \-- 


End file.
